An Interview With Lucifer

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YouTube Channel: “Interview with Lucifer”

Moderator:   Lucifer, in the flesh. Do you know how many journalists would 

                      kill… right, you probably do. First, I want to say thank you to 

                      agreeing to this interview because I know you are a very, very

                      busy person.

Lucifer:         Yes. I usually like to fly under the radar, but I figured since I’m

                      already on the campaign trail, why not. 

Moderator:    Okay, first, let’s talk about your reign. Now, you’ve had a fairly 

                       long one. What would you attribute to your success and 

                       popularity?

Lucifer:          Oh, that’s easy. Every generation is the same. I appeal to their

                       lust and ego. I offer all the sex, wealth and fame a person could 

                       want.  “Do as thou wilt” has been my campaign slogan from the

                       start. And, my campaign platform hasn’t changed either. I run on

                       the same three issues every generation: lust of the flesh, lust of 

                       the eyes and pride of life.

Moderator:    Okay, okay. When you say, lust of the flesh, what exactly do you 

                       mean?

Lucifer:          Come on, now, what do I mean? Isn’t it obvious? I just use

                       human’s own innate physical desires against them. And, since 

                       sexual desire seems to be the most powerful, I usually run with

                       that. Now, I didn’t create sex, but I must say, I’ve done a superb

                       job of perverting it. Take pornography for example, well, you 

                       should know a lot about this one, Ivan, weren’t you addicted to 

                       porn? 

Moderator:    Um, this interview is about you, not about me. Can we get back

                       on subject.

Lucifer:          Now, where was I? Oh ya. What I do is gradually get someone

                       addicted to porn. And, once lust has had its full work, and he

                       and she can no longer restrain themselves. They usually look to 

                       act out their fantasies on someone. And, sometimes, that

                       someone is a child. Now, my plan plays out perfectly. That

                       abused child will eventually turn to a life of promiscuity and 

                       perversion themselves, allowing me to continue my vicious 

                       cycle. And, here’s the kicker, many of those abused girls end up 

                       right in the porn industry. Now, how’s that for irony?

Moderator:    The second thing you had mentioned, I believe, was that lust of

                       the flesh, lust of the eyes. Can you elaborate?

Lucifer:          Humans are never satisfied. They always crave more. Bigger

                       house, bigger car, more money, more power, the list goes on

                       and on. I just take their natural ambitious desire, pervert it, and

                       use it against them for their own destruction. My plan is to allow 

                       them to never be content. As long as I can keep them craving

                       what others have, I can depend on them to argue, fight, even kill

                       to get it. Humans are so easily tricked with jealousy. And, you

                       know what they say, jealousy is as cruel as the grave.

Moderator:    Yes, I have heard that before. The last thing that you had 

                       mentioned, was, I believe, pride of life. Now, how does this fit

                       into your campaign platform?

Lucifer:          Humans are always on a quest for knowledge. I tricked the first

                       humans to seek carnal knowledge of the God of wisdom and it’s

                       worked like a charm with every generation since. With more 

                       knowledge, comes more pride. And, you know, pride is my

                       specialty. And, since humans don’t like to keep God in their 

                       wisdom, I’m able to seduce them with all types of things to help 

                       puff up their ego. Lately, fame has been my biggest seller. Who 

                       doesn’t like attention. Feeling more important than the next

                       person. Once I make them famous, I can really use them to

                       promote my agenda. With their help, I convinced half of the 

                       world to not only accept sin, but to celebrate it. Do you know 

                       what’s been my most enjoyable pride campaign to date? 

Moderator:    No, what?

Lucifer:          Well, my “Gay Pride Campaign” of course. Not only do I get the

                       chance to promote your own self destruction, I get to use God’s 

                       logo, the rainbow, to do it. Love is love, right? My plan not only 

                       prevents you worthless humans from reproducing, it destroys 

                       the gender roles and allows me to bring all types of chaos and

                       confusion upon your pathetic societies. It’s been so successful, 

                       I’ve got men convinced they’re women and women convinced 

                       they’re men. And, some convinced they’re no gender at all. And,

                       I’ve got two more pride initiative campaigns I’d like to introduce 

                       in the near future.

Moderator:    Really. I’m guessing you probably want me to ask you what they

                       are, right?

Lucifer:         First, it’s “Abortion Pride.” Now, I think we can pull this off.

                      Society is definitely ready for it. I’ll enlist the help of Planned

                      Parenthood to work with marketing and promotions. Then, all

                      we’ll have to do is silence the so called abolitionism, Pro-Lifers, 

                      because the rest of the church doesn’t seem to care. And, 

                      second, is “Pedophilia Pride.” Now, society might not be ready

                      for this one just yet, so we’ll hold off. I need to desensitize them a

                      little more before we introduce it. 

Moderator:   Okay, let’s change gears for a minute. Let’s talk about policy.

                      Some may consider your policies destructive. Dangerous even.

                      What would be your response to that? What would you say to

                      your detractors?

Lucifer:         All of my policies are aimed to do one of three things. Either

                      steal, kill or destroy. And, if it’s not doing one or all three of those 

                      things, then, it’s not in my agenda and I’m not promoting it.

Moderator:   Okay, okay. Now that you’ve said that, it seems as if you promote

                      your agenda differently to different ethnicities. If so, why?

Lucifer:         Of course. I’d be a fool not to. Take Black people for instance. As

                      a people, they’re super spiritual so I can’t really convince them

                      that there is no God. But, I have been able to do, as of late, is 

                      convince them that He’s not the God of the Bible. Now, I’ve been 

                      real successful at promoting Black consciousness and Islam in

                      their communities.

Moderator:   I’m so happy you mentioned Black people. It seems as if we’ve 

                      been at the very top of your agenda for quite some time. Why is

                      that?

Lucifer:         For a few reasons. Black people help me reach the masses. 

                      Now, as you know, I was over music in Heaven. My beats were 

                      so dope, I got over a third of the angels to follow.  And, once I got

                      here to the earth, I needed artists and entertainers to help me

                      promote my message here. Who better than Black people. Black

                      people possess all the natural rhythm and music ability that I 

                      need. And, it’s easy for me to influence them with money, since

                      so many of them grew up without it. Another reason I target

                      Black people is because they’re strong mentally and physically. If

                      Black men would ever find their identity in Christ, I’d be in

                      trouble. So, I try my best to destroy the Black family structure

                      and keep Black men away from his family and the church. Drugs

                      and incarceration are a couple of my more popular means.

                      Without the head of the household present, I can become the

                      head and influence the children without too much resistance. 

Moderator:   So, you mean to tell me that your policies are intentionally racist

                      against Black people?

Lucifer:         Racist? This has got to be the best lot I ever came up with. Now,

                      I can’t believe that humans still believe they’re different races. 

                      But, to answer your question, yes. It has always been my policy 

                      to target and isolate a group of people. And, out of all my 

                      strategies, the skin color thing has worked the best. I definitely 

                      want to keep White people and Black people separated. As long

                      as I can keep Black people bitter and White people offended, I’m

                      good. Hopefully, Black people would never forgive. That way, I

                      can continue to use them.

Moderator:   Okay, my question is, what role, if any, does your administration 

                      play in this Black on Black crime epidemic?

Lucifer:         Well, as great as my administration is, we can’t take all the credit

                      for this. Black people help us tremendously. By aborting so many

                      of their babies, they allow us to bring death to their communities. 

                      As the Bible says, they sow the wind and reap a whirlwind.

Moderator:   When you implement all of these policies, do you ever face any

                      resistance or push back? And, if so, who?

Lucifer:         One group in particular try to oppose every policy I try to

                      implement. I would be so much further along in my agenda if it 

                      weren’t for them.

Moderator:   Really. So what group is that?

Lucifer:         Those pesky, born again, Jesus followers. They’re a real thorn in

                      my side. Every generation, they come together and try to 

                      dismantle one of my signature causes. Now, I’ve convinced half

                      of the world that Jesus didn’t exist and the other half that He

                      wasn’t Divine. But, I can’t seem to convince them. They seem

                      Hell-bent on telling everybody about Him and spreading His

                      message. And, some even believe that He’s coming to unseat me in

                      this generation. Crazy, huh? I tell ya, those idiots are really messing

                      with my legacy.

Moderator:   So, Lucifer, how does that make you feel when us idiots say that 

                      Jesus possibly could be coming back in this generation to unseat

                      you?

Lucifer:         You all have been saying that for centuries. I’ll just use it as

                      motivation to get as much of my agenda pushed through and

                      deceive as many people as possible before He returns. I think I’ve

                      done pretty well. My record speaks for itself. About 150,000 people 

                      die each day and most of them don’t know Jesus.

Moderator:   A hundred and fifty thousand people. Well, you know what, this

                      concludes our interview. I want to say thank you for an open, 

                      honest, pretty frank discussion with me.  Is there any last words 

                      you’d like to leave with our viewing audience? 

Lucifer:         Yes. I’d like to take this moment and give a special thank you to two

                      groups of people. First, I want to say thank you to all of my 

                      followers. You are the hands and feet of my administration and we

                      could do nothing without you. Keep up the good work. Spread my

                      message. And, second, I’d like to say thank you to the divided

                      church. I love the way you argue and use your passions to fight

                      amongst each other. Keep up the good work. There’s really no rush 

                      to tell people about Jesus. You all have plenty of time.