Testimony of Bill Larkin - #7

YouTube Channel: "Bill Larkin’s Testimony (Tortured in Hell)"

                                                  Part I

     “What’s up people. 

     I’m putin' this video out there for people who are lost, who are unsure of what’s happnin' here, you know, unsure of what lies after this life that we have. 

     And, I know what’s after here, from seeing, and it’s very scary. 

     And, it’s my duty, since I’m still here, to let yous know, what I seen.

     At a point in my life, I was drug addicted.

     I was an alcoholic. 

     My usual day was go to work. 

     I always made good money. 

     So, I would go to work, do my job, but after that, party hard, drinkin', drugin', all night, come home early in the A.M.

     Sometimes don’t come home for a day or two, you know, go on binges with the drugs and this and that, and, basically, it was like the wild west, anything went. 

     I could do and did do whatever I wanted. 

     I didn’t care what anybody said. 

     I had no consequences. 

     I lived in excess and a total pagan lifestyle, with not caring of anything.

     Now, during that time, my whole life, I’ve loved Jesus in my heart, you know. 

     But, you know, I, I prayed every night.

     I prayed with my kids, but I knew I was a hypocrite.

     You know, when I was home, I’d pray with them, but it was like, I would pray with them and then, I’m a screw up.

     You know what I’m sayin'. 

     So, I was hypocritical.

     But, I knew my kids needed to know the truth and the truth was God. 

     I just wasn’t following the truth. 

     And, I remember in my addiction, every day sayin', ‘Lord, please don’t take me today because I am not ready.’ 

     And, I lived that pagan lifestyle for years. 

     And, one time, I was on meth and I was up for five days.

     And, I mean five days ‘up,’ no closing of the eyes, none of that, just a blink. 

     You weren’t sleeping.

     You were up. 

     And, my body started to go into some type of convulsion, whatever.

     I mean my heart was jumpin' out of my chest.

     911, ambulance, all that stuff. 

     And, I thought I was dyin'. 

     And, you know, I said, ‘Good-bye’ to my children, you know, ‘cause I didn’t think that I was going to see them again, you know, honestly. 

     And, I was tryin' to give them like, lifelong lessons as I could hear the ambulance a couple of blocks away comin'.

     ‘Hey, guys, believe in God,

     Don’t be mad at God.

     Try and be like Job.

     You know, understand that the Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.'

     You know, trying to make all this stuff up, in two seconds, when nobody’s listnin', because it’s panic, you know.

     And, I thought that that was the last time I was gonna see my family.

     And, on that ambulance trip down to the hospital, I was out of my body three different times, on the ceiling of the ambulance, you know.

     And, I’m sittin' there, and I’m floatin'.

     And I’m looking down.

     I see my body and I’m like, ‘Oh, my gosh, you know, what did I do?’ 

     You know, I’m outside of my body. 

     How is this possible, you know?

     Is this, is this what I made of my life?

     You know, I had everything, Lord, I could see. 

     The Lord gave me kids, three beautiful children.

     Gave me a wife.

     And, look what I have done. 

     I’ve ignored everything. 

     I’ve spit in His face at every possible chance.

     And, just did what I wanted to do.

     What was pleasing to me, to my flesh.

     So, as I’m goin' through that peace, craziness in my body. 

     Peace, craziness. 

     Now, I say peace, because I was out of my body and I wasn’t in the, you know, convulsions or whatever that I was in, when I was in my body. 

     When I was out of it, I was cool. 

     I was just, you know, it was real peaceful.

     But, I was in pitch blackness. 

     So, it was peace.

     But, I was scared. 

     I was like, ‘What is this? 

     You know what I mean?

     Where am I at?

     And, what’s gonna happen now?

     The transition from my body was just like me steppin' over, you know what I’m sayin'. 

     So, I realized, I don’t know where I’m at and I was pretty scared to be in that darkness, even though it was peace.

     So, I remember goin' to the emergency room and they putin' IV’s and all in me.

     And, anyway I just said, ‘Lord, if you want to take me tonight, then I accept Your will.

     But if you let me live, I’ll do better.’

     And, with that, I sat back, relaxed and, you know, thanked God. 

     I stabilized and I made it, you know. 

     Maybe ten hours later, I was discharged, you know. 

     And, I remember one of the guys saying to me, one of the ambulance guys coming in later on in the shift. 

     He came over and he said, ‘Aah, you made it man!’ 

     And, I said, ‘Ya, ya.’ 

     You know, I was thankin' him for helpin' me and all.

     And, he said, you know, ‘I’ve seen guys come in here in less shape than you and leave with a sheet over them.’ 

     And he said, ‘I didn’t think, you know, I wasn’t sure if you were gonna make it.’

     And, I thought to myself, ‘Man, I came that close to death and, by the grace of God, I returned home that night, earlier the next morning.’

     And, from that point on, I sought out detox and all that. 

     And, within a couple of days I was in the detox, and tryin' to do my thing, and get sober. 

     So, when I get done with that stuff, that program, I come home. 

     I feel myself out, get used to myself a little bit and then I go back to work.

     Now, when I go back to work, first thing I’m back to work.

     A guy’s choppin' out some heroin. 

     So, it’s like, I go to step towards him. 

     You know, cause I see the heroin and my mind’s tellin' me, ‘Go get a bump’ you know. 

     But it’s like, wait, I can’t do that, you know.

     I gotta live a sober life now.

     So, for six months I tried to live sober. 

     And, I did live sober.

     I didn’t drink, you know. 

     I’m still smokin' cigarettes and stuff.

     But, no weed, no beer, you know, no alcohol, no drugs. 

     So, and even during that time, you know, I couldn’t leave the job, you know.

     I had a prayer book with me and I would, you know, there would be times I’d just pull the prayer book out and start praying to God or readin' a page or two.

     Because, I needed help, you know. 

     I wanted to go to the bar or this or that. 

     I couldn’t drive around town, because every street in that town, I had partied on or done somethin' on that would trigger me. 

     And, I was worried I might fall into drinkin' again.

     So, for six months, I chased God.

     Now, I didn’t do it right, 'cause I didn’t know how to get to God. 

     I didn’t know how to approach God or how to come to God. 

     I would go to church at break time or lunch time.

     Sit in church.

     Pray. 

     But, you know, at the same time, I was lookin' in to other things like the occult. 

     I was lookin' into astral travel, psychics, mediums.

     I was lookin' into past lives. 

     I had even attended some big hotel or somethin'. 

     One of these famous psychic mediums. 

     There may have been a hundred people there. 

     You pay 100 bucks to go see them.

     It was like, I was tryin' with all my might to seek out the truth. 

     But, I was, you know, tryin' to come to Christ and also bringin' in the occult, which isn’t gonna weigh out.

     You can’t be with Jesus if you’re with the occult.

     So, I was confused and I really did not know how to seek Him out.

     Now, after six months of sobriety, I started to get weak and irritated, 'cause it was so hard for me every single day to get home. 

     You know, to get my butt in that house without pullin' out of my driveway and goin' and gettin' somethin' to drink. 

     It was such a tough struggle.

     And, lookin' back, it was amazingly tough.

     I started to get irritated and, you know, I said to my wife, ‘Six months today.’

     She said, ‘Six months from what?’ 

     I said, ‘Six months I’ve been sober.’

     She said, ‘Oh, that’s good.’ 

     I thought, ‘That’s good?’

     You know, now, bein' an adult, I’m supposed to do stuff for myself. 

     But, at that point, I’d struggled through so much every day.

     I want a huge party or somethin', right? 

     Run a parade down the street or somethin'. 

     Let’s break out a celebration, you know.

     This is six months, man. 

     Every day, some of my days, feel like they’re a hundred years from all this, you know.

     So, with that, I was like, you know what, okay, or that’s good. 

     Good. 

     I’ll show you good. 

     So, my whole mindset changed right there. 

     And, not that it’s her fault.

     But, you know, I was probably lookin' for a reason to do that.

     'Cause I was already irritated.

     So, all of a sudden, I go back.

     And, I go back to drinkin'.

     And, I go back to drugin'.

     And, what they say is true.

     When you go back, you go back harder each time. 

     And that was definitely true in this instance.

                                                Part II

     Now, when I went back this time, I felt like such a failure.

     How could I have been out of my body three times, been through all this stuff, almost died, you know. 

     And, there’s countless other times in your addiction where you’re in a situation when you could have died. 

     And, I’m still drinkin' again now.

     And, I’m drinkin' hard now. 

     Harder and harder.

     And, more and more. 

     I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.

     I’m drinkin' a beer, smokin' a joint, hittin' a bowl, whatever.

     I used to tell people, I drink when my eyes are open. 

     It wasn’t a joke.

     I get a thirty pack, set it right next to me, 'cause there’s no reason to put it in the frige, because I’m gonna kill it before you can drink your six pack most of the time.

     I was insane.

     Now, I fell into drugs and coke and whatever else I could get my hands on at this point.

     And, it got me to the point where I was gonna kill myself.

     Before, I would say, I’m not gonna kill myself because I love my family. 

     Well, let me tell you somethin'. 

     Never say never.

     Because, I got to a point where I said, ‘I’m done.’

     You know, I got to the point where I said, ‘My family’s better off without me.

     Because, I can’t even go anywhere without drinkin'. 

     No matter where I go, I have to drink. 

     Whether I’m putin' it in a soda can, wherever I’m at.

     Drivin' around, you know.

     McDonald’s cups with the straw though, a beer can in a McDonald’s cup.

     Lookin' like you’re drinkin' McDonald’s. 

     You know, coffee cups, beer.

     It’s insane.

     So, I honestly thought I’m better off dead, you know. 

     They’ll be sad for a minute, but they’ll get over it. 

     Because, who needs a sloppy drunk dad?

     You know, nobody.

     So, I came across a weapon that I was going to shoot myself with. 

     And, put the bullets in it.

     Locked the door in my house.

     Sittin' there with the gun in my mouth and ready to shoot myself. 

     The only thing I was thinkin' is which way to aim the gun so I don’t mess this up. 

     I didn’t want to mess up killin' myself. 

     You know, in my pagan life, I remember seein' rotten.com.

     A guy tried to kill himself and messed it up. 

     His whole face was gone.

     He had tubes goin' down. 

     That’s the last thing I need, you know.

     The bullet is so lovely to think about. 

     You know, one bullet can take away all this mess and pain.

     I’m in.

     You know, count me in. 

     And, that’s how I felt.

     So, I had the gun loaded in my mouth.

     And, I’m tryin' to figure out, like, which way to make sure I kill myself and somethin' hits me. 

     BAM! 

     Like, you know, a guardian angel, somethin' tellin' me, ‘Hey, your kids are at home. You know, your wife is home. It’s bad enough you’re killin' yourself but, you know, don’t let them hear the shot that did it. Don’t let them come in and find you. You know what I mean.’

     And, I was like, oh, alright, you know.

     And, I thought, You know what, it is horrible I’m doi'n this.

     So, let me just wait 'til tomorrow and I kill myself down on the beach, you know what I mean. 

     And, so, I unloaded and put everything away, up, you know. 

     I hid it up near the ceiling, there, and locked all the doors.

     And, you know, left my room, and went out there and I watched my kids play.

     My wife talked to them regular, you know, 'cause, I didn’t let on that anything was wrong at all.

     Because, I never showed any kind of, I need help, kind of thing. 

     Everybody would have been shocked. 

     I had hid everything my whole life. 

     So, I was used to hidin' stuff. 

     And, a, it’s a weird feeling, to watch your kids playin' and your wife and know in your head, they have no clue I‘m gonna kill myself tomorrow, you know.

     It’s a crazy, crazy feelin' to have.

     The night went on regularly. 

     Laughed, joked, whatever. 

     Said prayers with the kids.

     Put them to bed. 

     Good-night to the wife. 

     We went to bed.

     As I’m sleeping, all of a sudden I’m in Hell.

     Now, when I say Hell, I mean I’m in this cave. 

     The cave is humongous.

     I can’t even describe the, over to my left, there’s like a two mile wide crater with orange, like yellowish, reddish flames coming up.

     And, the screams are millions at the same time.

     And, the thought that hit my head was like, that’s where Hitler’s at.

     That’s where the major people who are leadin' a lot of people to death are, you know, or that have or whatever or where they will be goin'.

     And, where I was was, was up on this ledge.

     And, there was two like a entrances, like cave entrances there, you know what I’m sayin'.

     I did not go into them.

     But, I could see them. 

     And, a, I had a demon. 

     There was demons all over. 

     There was people just screamin' all over. 

     And, a demon would grab my right arm, and pull.

     And, would rip my arm off, where I would, my whole arm would come off.

     And, I’d see the skin hangin'.

     And, the veins.

     And, the blood. 

     And, you know, the first two, three times you see that, you’re still used to thinkin' how we do on earth. 

     On earth, we’re like, oh, no.

     We’re panicked.

     But, there, it’s different.

     So, you’re shocked.

     But, he’d pull it off and a couple seconds later it would be back on again.

     And, he would do the same thing all over again. 

     And, he’d be holdin' my arm, lookin' at me laughin'.

     Because, he just wants to see the fear, the fright on my face.

     So, in front of me stood this, the only way I can describe it, is a monster.

     And, I’m talkin' like four foot wide, huge shoulders.

     Like, Sulley, off of, a, Monsters, Inc. 

     If you’ve ever seen that. 

     Now, that was a cool movie and all, but this guy was like, evil, huge.

     Big, like that.

     Huge, like, knives, you know, huge claws. 

     Huge. 

     And, these things, he would, he would just go like this.

     WHAM! 

     And, come off from this side and when he’d hit me, he’d just rip my stomach to shreds and my whole insides would fall on the ground of the cave. 

     And, I’d look down, you know. 

     Once again, you’re shocked. 

     How’s this happnin', you know? 

     If it happens here, we’re dead. 

     But. there, by the time he’d pulled his hand back again, I was healed. 

     And, he would do it all over again.

     And, he’d laugh at me.

     So, the whole thing there, they wanted to laugh. 

     They wanted to see your fear. 

     They wanted to torture you. 

     And, they were content to do this, forever.

     You absolutely knew that, in your heart, as you’re there.

     But, I remember cursin' at him sayin', ‘Do you really think I give a f… what you’re doin'?’

     Think about it. 

     On this earth, I’d run crazy from this guy.

     But, there, he didn’t even affect me.

     'Cause I couldn’t feel my stomach bein' tore open. 

     I couldn’t feel my arm bein' ripped off. 

     And, even with the smells and even with the screams.

     The panic.

     The chaos.

     Constantly.

     The chaos for me was the separation from God.

     Knowing that I can’t, I could pray all I want. 

     I can’t get my prayers up to Him.

     It’s over. 

     You know.

     It’s like grabbin' a rubber ball.

     Tryin' to throw it through the ceilin'. 

     It’s not gonna happin', you know.

     And, I realized instantly.

     As long as you’re livin'.

     As long as you’re breathin'.

     And, walkin' on this earth.

     I don’t care if you’re atheist.

     I don’t care what you are, new age and this and that.

     Wake up.

     Because, as long as you’re breathin'. 

     You have a shot.

     To pray to Jesus.

     To drop to your knees.

     To ask God to come into your life. 

     To save your life.

     And, to turn your life over to God.

     And, you can do that as long as you’re breathin'.

     Once you’ve breathed your last breath, the dishes are done. 

     Whatever you’ve accumulated to that point, will be what happens.

     And, a lot of people say, well, my God isn’t a, isn’t a.

     He’s a loving God. 

     And, there is no Hell.

     And, he wouldn’t put you in Hell.

     And, he wouldn’t do this and that.

     Let me tell you somethin'.

     That’s all nice and everything, and you can keep that where you keep it.

     But, Hell is real. 

     And, you know who put yourself in Hell? 

     You. 

     Because, you’re shown how you lived. 

     You see everything you’ve ever done. 

     And, as you know, as you see, you judge yourself.

     I wasn’t this guy. 

     I did this.

     I did that.

     He has a law for us to follow.

     And, if you don’t follow it, you’re gonna be in Hell. 

     And, Hell, my heart wants to just explode.

     Just thinking of that place. 

     I wish I had a thousand years to live here.

     To do good everyday I could.

     Just to try to assure myself that I don’t go there.

     You know what I’m sayin'?

     I can’t even think about goin' back there.

     I try my best, today, to give glory to God.

     Because, I’m so scared of that place. 

     But, I’m very scared for the people who don’t believe in it.

     'Cause it is so frightening.

     I’m sure that other people, who have had these experiences felt different things in Hell. 

     Myself, all I felt was the separation from God. 

     Not one other thing bothered me as far, you know what I’m sayin'.

     Like, nothing else could ever overtake that pain. 

     And, I couldn’t believe that I was stuck here for eternity.

     To be tortured, and to always know that I had everything.

     I had my wife.

     I had my kids. 

     I had all the opportunities in the world and I didn’t make any of them work.

     I squandered everything.

     And, it had brought me to this point.

     For eternity.

                                                Part III

     Now, with all this goin' on, I’m prayin' to myself.

     And I’m sayin', ‘Lord God, please look at my actions and look on, you know, how my heart is.

     You know what I mean.

     Like, any actions that I’ve done good.

     Please, Father.

     You know.

     Have mercy on me. 

     Like, I didn’t do what I was supposed to do.

     I’ve always loved You.

     But, my actions didn’t always show that. 

     Many times, I went against what You wanted.’

     And, I was beggin' and beggin'.

     And, all of a sudden, this light hit this cave, where every divit was just stickin' out.

     And, you could see everything in this cave, now, was lit up. 

     You knew instantly. 

     Your soul knew.

     This was Jesus. 

     Everything was stopped immediately. 

     All the screams stopped.

     These demons and monsters that were pullin' on me and hurtin' me were in these caverns. 

     I could see them blinkin' but, they couldn’t be in Jesus’ sight.

     He shut it down.

     Now, I went to look up.

     And, I thought, I better, I don’t want to offend Him.

     So, I just looked down and I said, ‘Lord God, I’m not worthy of You or anything.

     Please help me, Jesus,’ this and that. 

     Next thing I know, I look up and here’s Christ. 

     Just right here.

     I’m on my knees.

     He’s a couple of feet up looking at me with this beautiful smile.

     With the biggest smile.

     The most, He’s so beautiful. 

     He had a white robe on and a brown sash. 

     I mean, He was unbelievably beautiful. 

     He’s darker than a lot of the pictures than I’ve seen.

     But, what an amazing sight, you know.

     Really, truly. 

     Unbelievable, you know.

     And, I’ve been searchin' for a picture that comes close to show’in, hey, this is what He looked like, you know. 

     But, I haven’t found one just like it yet.

     Now, as He looks at me, I’m thinkin' to myself, this is amazing, you know.

     This whole story. 

     I know He crucified, and died for our sins and all that.

     But to see Him.

     To know that you’re sittin' in front of the Son of God. 

     That He’s real.

     That He’s takin' time out to come to me.

     He’s helpin' me.

     In Hell? 

     It’s unbelievable. 

     And, I can’t understand it to this day. 

     I still can’t wrap my head around any of this, you know. 

     I don’t understand why I was saved during any of this.

     But, He looked at me with so much beauty.

     Like, I was the best thing in the world.

     And, I thought to myself, on earth, I’m ready to kill myself.

     And, this guy’s lookin' at me like I’m the best thing He’s ever seen.

     And, I couldn’t, you know, right then, you imagine what is happ’nin here, you know.

     Right there, you understand the amount of mercy that He has.

     The amount of love that He has for us. 

     It’s unfathomable. 

     We can never understand, to begin to understand.

     Because, we don’t have love.

     We don’t have the capacity like that. 

     It’s unbelievable how much He loves us.

     And, I said, ‘I’m sorry and I love You.’ 

     And, He grabbed me with His right arm, pulled me up and we just ascended through this cave and into bliss, you know.

     To a blue sky of bliss.

     And, He said to me and I quote, as He talked, as we talked, and conversed, we talked telepathically. 

     There was no mouth movement at all or anything like that. 

     He said and this is quote, ‘I am going to take away your sins, you have suffered long enough.’

     And, with that, I was shocked.

     Because, my addictions.

     They’re the reason I’m dying here.

     You know what I mean? 

     This is the reason I was gonna kill myself.

     Because, I can’t live a life without addiction.’

     So, now He says, ‘I’m gonna take your addictions, you have suffered long enough.’ 

     And, I’m like, WOW, you know.

     This is amazing.

     And, at another point, I said to Him, you know, ‘Just let me bring some of this back, please, Lord, you know. 

     Let me, let me bring some of this situation, somehow, in a bottle, let me jar it, let me do somethin'.

     But, let me bring it back, and show people and say, hey, look, see this? 

     Let them look at it and feel what I’m feelin' and there wouldn’t be any questions of what’s right and wrong.

     And, it would solve a lot of the things on this earth. 

     Everybody would understand You all the way.’

     But, a, and this was part of it, you know.

     He always was smilin' anyway.

     But, He just said to me, ‘That’s not the way this works.’ 

     And, I thought that that was funny comin' from Jesus, you know. 

     Maybe it’s not, I don’t know. 

     That’s how I took it though. 

     That’s not the way this works. 

     So, you know what? 

     We have to go off of faith and hope that, a, people see, you know what I’m sayin'.

     But, that’s why I’m doin' this.

     Tryin' to tell my story and get it out to people.

     Because, I don’t want to show up in front of Him again and say, ‘Hey, I didn’t do nothin' with what You did for me, man, you know.’

     And, now, I feel the time is right for me to start movin' with the message and that’s why I’m doin' this. 

     But, He took my addictions.

     Now, when I woke up that night in bed, whatever.

     3 o’clock in the morning, somethin' like that.

     I woke my wife up and said to her, ‘It’s over.’ 

     She said, ‘What’s over?’ 

     I said, ‘Jesus took my addictions.’ 

     And, she said, ‘Well, Halleluyah.’ 

     Now, my wife never says Halleluyah, you know. 

     And, if you’re an addict and you’ve been tellin', you know, you’ve told everybody and their mother that you’re gonna quit, it’s over, you’re done.

     I’m gonna go straight, everything's over, you know. 

     It don’t work. 

     But, here, she, she just accepted it totally,

     So, I thought about that and, months later, I asked her. 

     I said, ‘What did you see, the Holy Spirit in my face? 

     Is that why you said Halleluyah?’

     And, here, I had forgot that she had contacts back then.

     And her eyes weren’t even in.

     The contacts were not even in. 

     She couldn’t see anything. 

     She said, ‘I couldn’t see.’ 

     She’s like, ‘I just felt somethin' in your voice that put my soul at ease. And, I believed.’ 

     And, I was like, ‘Oh, Halleluyah!’

     So, the amazing part is this. 

     Of course, it’s amazing. 

     I’ve been to Hell. 

     I’ve been with Christ Himself. 

     And, conversed, and seen of His beauty. 

     But, from that moment of waking up, I have never drank another beer, done another drug.

     Halleluyah. 

     And, it’s not from me and it’s not some mind thing.

     Oh, he had a dream and he talked himself into not drinking anymore and all that garbage. 

     New age things and philosophies and all that stuff.

     You can keep it. 

     I was in Hell and I seen Jesus.

     And, He rescued me from it.

     And, if He didn’t, I would’ve killed myself that following day.

     No doubt.

     No doubt in my mind.

     So, it’s amazing, because I drank every, I drank at least every hour of the day, you know. 

     I was high for years. 

     Not days, years.

     Weed, drugs, alcohol, my body was on all the time. 

     I went to bed drunk.

     Woke up drunk, you know. 

     That’s how I rolled for years.

     And, to stop instantly.

     To stop, to where it’s like it never existed, you know. 

     And, now, my life, this is two and a half years now, since this time.

     And, it’s like it never happened to me.

     I think of the old stuff I did.

     The craziness, the fightin', you know.

     The tough guy, you know.

     Construction, drinkin', drugin', you know.

     All that alpha male fightin' bull crap, you know.

     It’s all empty, you know. 

     It’s all junk.

     And, it’s all real shallow.

     And, a, you know, God took me from somebody like that, to what I am today.

     Now, I’m not perfect by any means.

     And, I’m a screw up, just like everybody else.

     But, I’m tryin' my best.

     And, trying to give my life to Christ. 

     And, a, it’s amazing what He can do.

     He’s takin' me from that, and who I used to be, and shown me so many different things.

     I know my kids now. 

     I know my wife now. 

     I come home all the time now, you know. 

     My whole life is spent to have fun with them.

     Make memories with them, you know.

     Be the priest of this family, of my family.

     Of making sure that we stay on point with God.

     You know what I’m sayin'?

     And, we all have our own walk with Him, and everything like that. 

     And, it’s like, beforehand, before this, we never, you know, I prayed with them, but we never went to church or anything like that.

     And, it’s amazing, it’s really so amazing that its very simple.

     Like the Bible says, ‘Knock and it will be opened, you know. 

     Ask, and you shall receive.

     Seek and you shall find, you know.’

     Now, I’m not a Bible quotin' guy and all that, you know. 

     And, I’m really into the Word, now, and tryin', you know, to learn it.

     But, a lot of people can spit different, a, verses and everything like that and that’s awesome, you know. 

     And, we should know it as, a, lovers of Christ.

     We should. 

     We should know the Word of God, so we can empower ourselves.

     You know what I mean? 

     Put the armor of God on us.

     But, guys, this is a true miracle.

                                                 Part IV

     A true miracle of life. 

     He simply just took my drug addiction and my alcohol addiction and took it away.

    That’s it. 

     No dream could ever do that, you know. 

     I’ve had dreams before.

     I’m still an addict when I wake up. 

     So, for everybody out there that’s tryin' to figure out how this happened, you’re staring at a miracle.

     Am I somethin' special? 

     No.

     I’m regular.

     And, I mess up everyday, you know what I mean.

     But, I am a miracle in the fact that in the eyes of Jesus Christ did come and pulled me out of Hell. 

     So, I’ve been to Hell and I’ve seen Jesus, okay.

     It’s amazing, and I want to share it with you because, for all the addicts out here, for everybody who suffered through abuse and just thinks, you know, I just want to end it, you know. 

     I just want to get out of here.

     I just want to kill myself, because I can’t deal with all this stuff, you know. 

     I’m not makin' anybody happy.

     I ruin everything I ever touch, you know what I’m sayin'.

     That’s what addiction will do. 

     It will rip every single thing in your life and trash it and make you feel so worthless. 

     But, really guys, all we gotta do is just lay it down. 

     Lay it down. 

     Take all of that negativity, every single thing that is on you and lay it down at the foot of His cross. 

     Lay it down at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ and say, ‘I love You. 

     Please come into my heart.

     And, I can’t deal with this. 

     I need Your help ‘cause I can’t deal with it. 

     Please take it from me. 

     I can’t deal with it. 

     And, if You’re not gonna take it, then give me the strength to get through this.’

     And, that was one thing I remember sayin' to Him, you know.

     When I was sittin', playin' with the gun.

     I said, ‘Lord, you know, You say you never give me anythin' I can’t handle. 

     Well, I can’t handle this, you know.’

     And, to see how He just came right in and stopped me at the most opportune time is amazing. 

     I surely, it’s hard for me to explain it to you. 

     I’m sure, I really hope that yous understand what I’m sayin'.

     Because, a, it’s absolutely true. 

     And, as I tell you, I have the images in my head.

     I always have the image of Christ with me, ever since. 

     And, I think that’s because, a, you know, sometimes the enemy will come in and say, ‘That didn’t happen. Jesus don’t love you.’ This and that.

     But, you know, I just say, ‘Be gone, Satan!’ You know what I mean. 

     ‘I rebuke you, Satan, in the name of Jesus Christ!’

     ‘Cause I can see Christ with me all the time.

     I’m very aware after this whole episode, of spiritual warfare, you know.

     There is a battle for each and every one of our souls.

     Every day, gang, you know. 

     And, a, I would just tell you that I’m not here to preach about some church or this or that.

     Catholic, Protestant, whatever, okay.

     What I want to tell you is that Jesus Christ is real. 

     He died for our sins. 

     He is the Son of God. 

     He loves us, Halleluyah! 

     Believe it. 

     His mercy is unfathomable. 

     Give your life up to Him.

     If you come to Him, you will feel the Holy Spirit eventually. 

     And, the Holy Spirit, when that hits you, will light your body with so much energy that no drugs in the world could ever light your energy up, you know.

     Give your body that kind of energy. 

     It’s amazing. 

     So, you will feel the Holy Spirit, you know. 

     And, as you go, and you cleanse yourself and you try and do whatever you can do.

     But, please, don’t get caught up in the times of where we’re at, and all the things that are empty.

     If you notice, people, you know, they’ll buy this house. 

     They’ll buy this house, even the multi-billionaires, you know.

     They’ll buy a house that’s a hundred and fifty million dollars.

     Stay in it for two years, move to another one.

     Because why? 

     That one wasn’t good enough? 

     You know.

     Because, you’re never going to quench your thirst. 

     Everything is just for a season. 

     No matter what you have.

     It’s just for a season.

     I’ve known people with mansions and pools in their homes and elevators and, you know.

     All kinds of craziness.

     Hundreds of thousands of dollar cars.

     And, all this.

     And, it’s empty. 

     They don’t care. 

     Because they don’t have what they’re chasing. 

     And, you know what?

     In Christ Jesus, that’s the only thing that will quench your thirst, gang. 

     The rest of these things are empty. 

     They’re for image. 

     They’re for self. 

     And, a, I really hope that you just come to Jesus.

     Forget about whatever churches you looked at and you want to do. 

     And, God bless you with whatever. 

     Keep Jesus your focus.

     Pray. 

     Pray in private. 

     Fast. 

     Don’t tell people when you’re fasting.

     Somebody’s botherin' you.

     Pray for them.

     Help the poor. 

     Help the people in need. 

     Help those that nobody’s helping. 

     Go help the homeless. 

     You know, it’s funny, they’ve got all these things.

     They’re all over the place with help the dogs, help the animals, oh, homeless dogs. 

     What about people? 

     You know, we’re in America.

     You know, you’re worried about housing a dog. 

     House the guy that’s down the block.

     You know what I’m sayin'. 

     Look at a human, you know.

     Because, in order to help a human, it really takes somethin'. 

     To get a dog, don’t take much. 

     Human, you really got to show. 

     So, what’s your character?

     Guys, I don’t know the answers. 

     All I do know is this. 

     Jesus Christ is real.

     He loves you. 

     My advice to you is to pray to Jesus. 

     Read the Bible.

     It’s the Word of God. 

     And, try and live your life by it. 

     You’ll see that doing that, your life will change.

     Things will get better. 

     And, miracles will come upon you in your own way. 

     And, it may not be the way I did it, you know. 

     And, chances are it probably won’t ‘cause that’s an amazing event. 

     And, at the same time that I was saved, when He came to Hell to get me, somebody else on this earth had killed himself over the same addictions, and things that I had been through, at the same point.

     But, they were allowed to kill themselves.

     And, I was intervened for.

     So, I just want to tell you, I love yous.

     I pray that I see yous all in heaven. 

     Do your best.

     Give glory to God and His Son, Jesus Christ.

     Halleluyah!  

     And, God bless yous"