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Testimony of Gordon - #14

YouTube Channel: “I WOULD NOT WISH THIS HELL I EXPERIENCED

(OUTER DARKNESS)”

“Everythin’s dead.

Everythin’s.

Anyway.

I thought.

This is death.

I also became aware of the fact, that.

I was in eternity.

I was, there’s this curious feelin’.

That I’m out of time.

Time isn’t there.

There’s a distinct feelin’ of it’s absence.

It’s, like.

You wouldn’t know.

Whether ten thousand years had passed.

Or, a second.

Or, there is no sense of the time is passin’.

It’s, like.

I felt.

This is eternity.

And, because, I felt it was eternity.

I, kind of, felt, like.

I could be here another day.

Because, there’s no time to pass.

There’s no end to it.

The moment is forever.

And, I felt, as well, that.

I was on the other side of a wall or somethin’.

In a sense.

That you.

That’s alive.

My family and everybody, were there.

I’d never be able to reach them.

And, tell them.

‘I’m here.

I’m, I’m in this place.

I’m in this place.’

I’d want to say.

‘I’m here.

I’m here’

But, they’d never know.

Where I was.

They’d never know.

In their life.

That I was somewhere else.

And, I thought to myself.

‘This is Hell.’

I thought, that.

This is Hell.

Hi.

I’m Gordon.

And, I want to give my testimony.

How I became a Christian.

How I got to where I am, now.

And, I want to.

I’ve lived a bit of a life.

So, I want to try.

And, condense the first part of my life.

As much as I can.

So, that, I can get to the actual experience.

That I want to describe.

So, I was born in Scotland.

And I grew up.

I got into bands.

And, concurrently, with that.

I was always a seeker.

I’d say.

Lookin’ for the meanin’ of life.

And, the life after death.

I didn’t have any religious upbringin’.

I’ve got no religious background.

But, I did become very interested in.

You know.

Supernatural things.

In different types of beliefs.

And, all that kind of thing.

And, also.

Like other.

Most musicians.

Dabbled with drugs.

Dabbled in.

I’ve done a lot of drinkin’.

A lot of wild livin’.

And, just a whole.

Usual stuff.

That, kind, a.

Artistic kind of people seem to get drawn inta.

Brought me a lotta highs.

And, a lotta lows.

More lows than highs.

And, to cut a long story short.

By the time I was about 45, I think.

Ya, 45, probably.

I, my music career, had really run aground.

For quite a few years.

It, kind of.

It was doin’ okay for.

It was what I done.

For quite a long time.

But, it really came to the point where there was no future in it.

And, I was able to accept that.

And, I was just takin’ what work I could get.

I was mostly getting’ a lot of building work.

To some extent.

Cleaned up my lifestyle.

I wasn’t wild anymore.

I still drunk and stuff, like, that.

But, it wasn’t in excess.

I was staying fit.

Because, of, you know.

Physical work.

And, then, but, also.

I was very, more at peace with myself.

As to what I believed about spiritually.

About reality.

And, about things like that.

And, I kind a come to the term, that.

Because, I been into the occult.

I’d been into meditation.

And, Buddhism.

And, Mysticism.

And, you know.

I did have a kind of interest in the Bible.

And, stuff like that.

But, it was no different from anythin’ else.

There was no kind of differentiation.

And, I had come to the conclusion was.

That, in reality, was this.

God is everythin’.

It’s whatever you make it.

But, there was no way, of kind of.

Pinnin’ anythin’ down.

There was no way of.

Kinda gettin’ some kinda fixed truth on anythin’.

It just seemed like.

And, I think that, at heart.

From a very young age.

I was, not so much, afraid of death.

But, also, like, you know.

It was more, like.

Tryin’ to find out.

The right thing to do.

For death.

The right thing to be believin’.

The right thing to be focused on.

And, I, just like, you know.

I had some strange experiences.

Some interests.

And, you know.

I’d hear things.

But, nothin’ would bring me to any conclusions.

All just seemed to be dead ends.

So, anyway.

I’m at this point in my life.

I’m feelin’.

I’m at peace with myself.

I’m at peace with the fact that.

I don’t.

I’m not gonna make it.

As a musician.

Anymore.

I’m at peace with the fact.

That I’m not gonna find.

You know.

The meanin’ of life.

Anymore.

I’m not.

It’s just not comin’ together.

Anyway, I got to some.

So you know.

At some point.

I used to smoke dope.

When I was more of a musician.

I quit it for a long time.

Occasionally, I’d get, kind of.

You know.

Slight little arch.

I’d smoke.

But, it wouldn’t be.

It’d be somethin’.

Just, like.

Have it for a couple of days.

Or, maybe a night.

Or, somethin’ like that.

It was just, crack.

On the other hand.

I never touched the stuff.

Really.

For years.

Anyway, thinkin’.

I was bein’ kinda.

You know.

Slightly more clever about it.

I picked up some legal high.

At one.

At some point.

And, then, thought.

Oh, ya.

I’ll have that at some point.

When everybody’s out.

Or, whatever.

You know.

And, I’ll have a smoke.

You know.

Like, recreational.

And, felt like havin’ a smoke.

I mean, this stuff was like.

Became later known as somethin’ that’s associated with.

People havin’ heart attacks.

Massive psychosis.

And, all this, kind of, stuff.

But, I didn’t know that.

I just thought it was my older kind of hit.

By the name.

You know

Glass, or whatever.

So, it’s probably the weekend.

And, I think.

My wife was out.

Or, was away.

Or, somethin’ like, that.

Had the house to myself.

Whatever.

I then.

I then smoked this stuff.

And, then.

It come on.

Really strong.

And, stronger.

And, I start to feel it in my heart.

Is kind of.

I’m really aware of my heart beaten.

It’s beaten harder and harder.

It’s not painful.

But, it just feels a little bit distressed.

Because, it’s kind of, it felt like it’s (explosion).

Like my chest.

It’s like, everythin’s exaggerated.

So, that it’s.

You know.

Whatever.

The dark stuff is doin’.

It’s, kind of, makin’ it exaggerate anyway.

So, this feels like, I think my heart’s gonna explode.

I think.

I think I might be having a heart attack.

I’m not kind of a panicker.

I, I don’t like pain.

Nobody does, but, so, it wasn’t painful.

But, it was.

It was pretty, kind of, this is, kind of, pretty.

But, heavy.

You know.

And, I just seemed to be getting’ more and more out of it.

To the point where I wasn’t feelin’ my hands anymore.

Everythin’ just felt like rubber.

I couldn’t.

There was no feelin’.

I start to splash my face with water.

Just wasn’t doin’ anythin’.

It was like, couldn’t feel the cold water.

It was like, couldn’t get it together.

So, I was thinkin’, this is a bit rough.

I thought, ‘What am I gonna do?

But, what happens, I start to go into somethin’ black.

I start to somethin’.

Almost, like, not loose consciousness.

But, kind of, almost, leave my sense of awareness.

Like, a, it’s like I kinda, if I let myself, I’d go into black.

Like, I was still there.

In this black place.

But, I wasn’t aware of my body anymore.

And, then, I kind of pull out of it.

Like, it was, almost like, a force.

You have to stay awake.

I kept goin’ into again.

Every time, I entered into this black place.

It felt really, really heavy.

It felt like, the initial feelin’ was.

Just that, this is like a gateway.

If I stay here for longer.

It’s gonna become more.

It’s gonna unfold.

And, I’m gonna get deeper into it.

But, it wasn’t like loosin’ consciousness.

It wasn’t like I was passin’ out.

Or, somethin’ like that.

I was completely, when I was there, I was conscious.

I had, it was like, it’s like.

I’d rather I wasn’t conscious.

But, I was.

And, it really didn’t feel good bein’ there.

But, at some point, struggling with this.

I thought, it was kinda night.

I’m gonna.

I’ll just try and go to sleep in this state.

And, somethin’ in my mind.

I don’t know.

It was just like, you know, just wishful thinkin’.

Thought, whatever happens, I thought.

I think I’ll get through this.

I think I’ll be alright.

It’s just what I thought.

But, what happens.

I just kinda went.

I went with it.

And, out in this blackness.

And, it’s like a place.

It’s a place.

And, this blackness.

There isn’t.

It’s just everywhere.

It’s through me.

It’s in me.

And, it’s everywhere else.

And, it’s just black.

Thick.

Black.

Black is black.

If you can ever imagine.

Now, the first thought that came to.

I started to have thoughts.

I started to almost receive.

It’s, like, the place had a kind of intelligence.

You knew whatever you wanted to know about it.

It was easy to understand.

And, the first thing I understood.

I thought this is death.

This is the absence of life.

I just felt that whatever life force.

It wasn’t here.

And, I was very aware, that.

How, when we’re alive, in a normal life.

That that life, that we have, is a kind of.

Not just a given.

It’s somethin’ we’re experiencin’.

But, we can still be lost without it.

Without life.

And, I’m here and dead.

I’m still aware.

I’m not gone.

I’m there.

But, it’s death.

Everythin’s dead.

Everythin’s.

Anyway, I thought, this is death.

I also became aware of the fact that I was in eternity.

I was, there’s this curious feelin’ that I’m out of time.

Time isn’t there.

There’s a distinct feelin’ of its absence.

It’s like you didn’t know whether ten thousand years had passed.

Or, a second.

Or, there is no sense of the time is passin’.

It’s like I felt this is eternity.

And, because I felt it was eternity.

I kind of felt, like, I could be here another day.

Because, there’s no time to pass.

There’s no end to it.

And, a moment’s forever.

And, I felt as well that I was on the other side of a wall, or somethin’.

In a sense that you, that’s alive.

My family and everybody were there.

And, I’d never be able to reach them.

And, tell them, ‘I’m here.

I’m, I’m in this place.

I’m in this place.’

I want to say, ‘I’m here.

I’m here.’

But, they’d never know where I was.

They’d never know during their life that I was somewhere else.

And, I thought to myself, ‘This is Hell.’

I thought, ‘This is Hell.’

And, I thought to myself, you could understand.

As I describe it.

I was freakin’ out.

I was, I was, like, panickin’.

But, at the same time, it was almost, like, an acceptance as well.

I thought this was Hell.

And, I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

I thought that.

I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

Because, I knew, it was like you’d be here forever.

It was completely lonely.

It was ultra loneliness.

Completely cut off from life.

Completely cut off from what we have.

Our breath and our feelings, and air and everythin’ like that.

Just life.

And, in my mind, I thought.

I wouldn’t wish this on Adolf Hitler.

And, I don’t know why.

Because, I’ve seen, subsequently, other people.

Testifying to these kind of things.

And, they always say, ‘I wouldn’t wish this on Adolf Hitler.

It’s almost like, you know, the place itself was sayin’.

That no human should really be here.

No human should be there.

But, I’m there.

You know.

And, what I want to say about it is that.

What I understood.

I didn’t know how long I was really thinkin’ and I was in this place in a sense.

All I’m sayin’ is all this information could have almost come all at one time.

It wasn’t like linear.

I just understood somethin’.

What I understood, as well, was that everythin’ that I’ve ever done, good or bad, had absolutely no value.

All the experience that I accrued through my tryin’ to, you know, tryin’ to become more spiritual, that meant absolutely nothing.

It had no value.

All the art, all my drawing, all my music, all my songwriting, all the writing.

I mean, I was a prolific songwriter.

I was writing hundreds and hundreds.

That meant nothing.

It had no value.

It was like saying, these things have no value.

These things do not make it good.

These things do not get you out to that place.

These things don’t get you out of here.

These things have not earned you anythin’ out of this place.

You know, you’re in nothingness and nothin’ you’ve done has kind of qualified you out of here.

All the hard things I’ve been through.

I mean, as a kid, I used to get bullied.

I went through long periods of depression.

I struggled with certain things in my life.

I’ve overcome some.

But, it’s like I said, means nothin’.

Means nothin’.

It’s almost like, you know, maybe you’ve been through the most heroic thing in a war, and you’ve saved lots of lives and you got a medal.

It was like, means nothin’.

Means nothin’.

Nothin’ that you’ve done, means anythin’.

And, also, it was like, you know, a real sense that the whole direction of my life, somehow, had been in the wrong direction.

It was just not for the right, I wasn’t livin’ for the right reason.

I wasn’t very sure about what the right reasons were.

But, I had the feelin’ that bein’ a good person or bein’ a bad person, I wasn’t lookin’ in the right places, you know.

It was not just the case of like, you know, not doin’ enough good things.

It was an entirely different outlook which I hadn’t found.

And, as a result of that, I’m here.

I’m in Hell.

And, I’m in Hell.

And, you know, I missed the point.

And, everythin’ that I’m experiencin’.

Everythin’ I’ve done.

Everythin’ I’ve done has got no meanin’.

All those.

All the work you’ve done towards.

All of that time you spent building that family home.

All that time that you spent makin’ it to the top of your career.

All that struggle you went through.

All the hardship you went through.

All the incredible difficulties you went through.

The whole life you lived sorrowful.

It means nothin’.

It has not established anythin’ good in you or valuable.

Not to whoever was in control of this reality.

And, the next thought was, this is how there is a God.

‘Cause, I just knew, this place was the absolute absence of Him.

And, I felt that.

That God.

This is what you have without Him.

But, when you’ve got Him, you’ve got all the other stuff.

Life.

And, the good stuff.

All the, life.

Life seemed to be so.

I realized.

Life was such a gift.

Life is such a gift.

Life is a gift.

I mean, it really is.

When you walk down the street and look at the sea and stuff like that.

You know, you’re just borrowin’ it.

You’re gonna have to give it back.

Unless, He gives it to you.

I mean, anyway, let me get back to the point.

I thought there is a God.

Now, I’m in black remember.

I’m just in complete black.

Now, I’ve had all different kinds of concepts about what God is.

God’s everythin’.

God’s in the table.

God’s in the chair.

God’s you.

God’s me.

All that stuff.

But, what I understood.

This blackness.

Never seein’ anythin’.

Never bein’ told anythin’.

Just comin’ to conclusions.

I thought.

There is a God.

And, He’s the One in the Bible.

I just knew it was Him.

I knew that although.

We’re all so grown up now about how we get spiritual maturity, you know, spirituality and stuff like that. You know, the stuff, quantum physics and, you know, particle observing and subatomic particles and, you know, alternative universe, multiuniverse.

Whatever.

But, the God that made it all is the One that, you know.

That black leather Bible.

That Guy.

That’s the One.

I knew.

I knew without any.

The same way I was comin’ to the conclusions.

About eternity.

And, about all this stuff.

About life.

It’s Him.

He’s God.

And, it was a super shock to me.

Because, I thought that, you know.

Oh, no, He’s just some, one of the kind of more manifestations of truth in that part of the world.

And, you know, Judeo-Christian thing.

Judeo, you know.

I just thought, you know.

Now, I was sayin’, ‘No, no, it’s Him.’

‘And, everythin’ else is trash.’

It’s trash.

Everythin’ else is absolutely no value.

It was really, really particular.

So, I’m kinda goin’.

I don’t know.

I’m not thinkin’ these thoughts.

These thoughts are comin’ to me.

I’m surprised as anyone else would be.

So, the point is, that, I do come the next day.

I come to.

I, kind of, wake up, you know.

And, I’m okay.

But, I’m pretty like, you know.

Wow, that’s really, pretty frightenin’ that’s happened to me.

And, I was kind of like just coastin’ along.

I was kinda like mid Far East thinkin’, you know.

I’ve kinda.

I don’t know.

I’ve got to get to the bottom of this.

I’ve got to work it out.

So, I go online and I’ve never looked at these things before.

But, I checked out some near death experiences.

And, I didn’t realize.

You know, there were people who said, ‘I’ve been to Hell.’

And, I’m lookin’ at them.

And, this is when it starts to kinda get to me.

Because, I was to some degree able to still compartmentalize what happened to me.

It freaked me out.

It was heavy.

It was makin’ me think I need to change my life and stuff like that.

But, maybe, you know, maybe it’s something to do with becomin’ a Christian I was even thinkin’.

I don’t know.

You know.

Well, you know.

The Bible and stuff.

I didn’t know.

But, the point is, that seein’ other people.

Some of them were like much more graphic.

Some people were in flames.

In fire.

And, demons and all.

It was horrendous.

But, a lot of them did describe similar things to me.

Darkness.

You knew it was eternity.

You knew you were not gettin’ out.

You knew you couldn’t reach your friends.

You knew you couldn’t tell your family.

You know.

You felt like you deserved to be there.

All this kind of stuff.

And, I thought, wow, this is heavy.

Because, it’s one thing to like have a vision or somethin’.

Especially, because drugs are involved.

And, then, it’s, you know.

When things are kind of hallucinatin’ already.

Or, even like dreams.

You know, they have their own laws to go.

You know, it can be like, I was walkin’ down the street.

And, I saw a lion.

And, it started speakin’ to me.

It wasn’t like that.

It was uniform with a lot of these people’s experiences.

And, then, it was pointin’ to sort of one thing.

You know.

It was like.

There’s a God.

Get right with Him.

That kind of idea.

So, the little that I knew.

I mean, as much as I’d read the Bible.

Like get into it.

I didn’t really understand, you know, what Christians do.

I didn’t really relate the Bible to people who go to church.

I thought the Bible’s been like the works of Shakespeare.

It’s a classic book.

And, you know, it’s got deep, hidden meanin’s and all of that.

And, I thought people that go to church probably don’t understand much about it.

But, I kinda felt humbled now.

And, I felt that, well, they do go to church.

They do read their Bible.

And, they do live that life.

So, they are the best ones to ask about whatever’s goin’ on with me.

So, I think to myself.

Somethin’ had said to me.

Or, somethin’ I had picked up from somewhere, was that when you get baptized, then you somehow, you’ve become a Christian.

That’s what they do.

And, that means that when Christ died on the cross, you get baptized.

And, it’s done.

And, then, you’re all saved or somethin’.

That’s what I thought.

I didn’t know any different.

That’s what I thought.

So, I thought, well, I’ll go to a Baptist Church.

So, I got in touch with a Baptist Church.

And, I got in touch with a pastor.

And, he said, by email, and he said.

Well, I said, I want to just check out about gettin’ baptized.

And, he said, ‘Well, come and speak to us.’

So, I went to speak with him.

And, he says, ‘You want to be baptized?’

I said, ‘Ya, I just want private, just you. Just drop me in the water. Bring me out and I’ll just say good-bye.’

He says, ‘Well, it doesn’t really work like that.

You know, you get baptized because you’re recognizing that you’re, you know, you’re kind of family.’

I know that there’s a lot of different aspects.

It’s essentially sayin’, you know, it’s in recognition.

You’re establishin’ yourself.

You’re a Christian.

You know, you’re a Christian.

You’re kind of declarin’ the world of a Christian.

I value Jesus.

And, I’ve now been raised with Him.

Anyway, I’m keepin’ it.

You know.

People that don’t know all the in’s and out’s of that as well.

So, the point is that I went, ‘Oh, alright.’

I thought, you don’t just come to church to get baptized.

You become a Christian, first, basically, is what he was sayin’.

And, I went, ‘Christian?

Me, a Christian?’

And, immediately, and I think this thought must through a lot of people’s heads.

You think.

What does that look like?

And, I thought.

I don’t think many people I know would like that.

And, I don’t think they’d be comfortable with it.

Me becomin’ a Christian.

I thought.

I just felt that I’d suddenly become incredibly un-cool to anybody that knew me.

So, anyway, he says, ‘You know, you can go through a prayer.

Do you want to go to prayer’

I said, ‘Okay.’

Would you say you’re a sinner?

I went, ‘Ya, I’m a sinner.

Of course, I’m a sinner.’

I didn’t have any problem with that.

That wasn’t an issue to me to admit that.

I mean, I knew, as far as like speakin’ to a Christian.

I thought, well this guy.

I’ve probably done stuff.

I’m assumin’.

I’ve done a lot of stuff that this guy maybe hasn’t done or doesn’t do.

So, the point is then.

He said, ‘Do you believe in Jesus?

Do you believe Jesus is the Son of God?

I says, ‘Well, I think I do now.

I think, ya I do.

Ya, ya, Jesus is the Son of God.’

So, we went through a prayer.

And, I’m waiting for some ‘wow’ fact to happen.

And, it didn’t.

You know, just said the prayer and then I went home.

When I went home, I started to kinda.

Over the next week.

Or, it was, middle of the week.

And, he’d said to me, ‘Well, look, try comin’ to church on Sunday.

See what you think.’

This was during the week, you see.

And, he says, ‘See what you think.’

So, I’m kinda leadin’ up to that goin’.

When I’m on my own.

I’ve not told anybody.

I’ve not told my wife.

I’ve not told anybody about this.

I’ve not told anybody about anythin’.

Because, I’m just kinda like, perplexed.

So, I keep goin’ to my knees whenever there’s nobody about.

And, sayin’ to Him, ‘Dear God, forgive me for my sins.

Forgive me for this thing that I done.

And, that thing that I done.

And, this thing that I done.

And, that.

But, I keep goin’ through this list.

Things that I can think of.

Trying.

And, I keep thinkin’ somethin’s gonna happen.

I don’t know.

But, I feel very uneasy.

And, more and more weird about this idea of becomin’ a Christian.

Want to become a Christian.

So, I go to church.

And, as soon as I get in there.

I think.

I can’t do this.

I think, naaa.

Because it’s all these, kinda like, ‘Hi. Hi. How ya’ doin’. Hi’

All these people, ‘Nice to meet you.’

And, I’m thinkin’, ‘Oh, no. They’re nice. I’m not that nice.’

I can’t do this.

So, I come back and I’m more perplexed about what I’m gonna do.

And, I’m not really takin’ that goin’ to church that seriously.

And, through the week, I’m thinkin’ to myself, you know.

I don’t know, I keep getting’ on my knees, prayin’.

Keep tryin’ to confess and stuff like that.

And, sendin’ things and I’m just thinkin’ about stuff all the time.

It feels in a sense, this experience, that you know.

Ya, God is Jesus, Jesus is God, and readin’ the Bible and all that stuff’s real.

And, it’s all kinda goin’ through my head, goin’ through my head.

So, anyway, in the middle of the subsequent week, I’m in the house during the day and I’m in this little studio room that I’ve got musical equipment and stuff like that.

And, I’m thinkin’ these thoughts again.

I’m thinkin’ about them all.

I’m just goin’ through them.

I’m still thinkin’, what’s goin’ on?

And, then, I’m not thinkin’ any particular thought.

I’m not askin’ any question.

I’m just, and, I go from, like.

And, say the room’s about 10 feet and I’m sittin’ at one end of it.

I’m suddenly just thrown from that side to the other side and I’m on my face.

And, this, there’s somethin’ there.

I can’t see it, but it seems to be almost like, kinda general shape would be like kind of as if somebody had a sheet there goin’ down. Yes, it would be that shape and visible.

And, it’s just power comin’ down on me.

Now, that I’m a Christian and now that I’ve experienced these things more, I knew that it was, I think that I would call it the Angel of the Lord.

I would call it that because, it seems, I’d say it was like that.

Well, to me, I’ve never had this experience.

There’s somethin’ there and it’s immediately got power over me.

I am flat on my face and I am weepin’ immediately.

I’m weepin’ profusely.

Weepin’ and wailin’.

And, I can tell it is Very God.

It’s God.

And, it’s so God.

It’s Godish, God.

It’s like, you recognize it when it’s there.

It couldn’t be anythin’ else.

It’s God.

What I know now, is, it was holy.

I wouldn’t have know then, at that time, what holy meant.

So, I didn’t know what I was experiencin’.

But, I knew that it was, just like, awesome.

It was scary, but it was wonderful.

It was magnificent.

It was incredibly powerful.

And, It come to meet me.

And, it was at the time, it was everythin’ was just so.

And, this is it.

It didn’t speak a single word.

It just poured down on me.

Now, as it’s bearin’ down on me, this power, and I’m weepin’ and wailin’.

I’m aware that it’s doin’ somethin’ in me.

Doin’ somethin’ deep in me, and I don’t, it’s just doin’ somethin’.

But, what it seems to be bringin’ up to me is that, in my mind is that, I’ve acknowledged Christ before.

I know Christ.

Maybe, just bein’ in school, and, you know, and hearin’ a Bible story or somethin’.

Somethin’ in me has already acknowledged, almost received Him, got it.

And, It was sayin’ you’ve been denyin’ Him ever since.

You’ve kind of accepted Him in some way.

You accepted Him.

The minute you get it and, you go, wow, He’s amazin’, somethin’ like that.

It was almost like that.

But, you’ve been denyin’ Him ever since.

And, that was what the big, big sin was.

The big, big sin was denial of Jesus Christ.

And, I was absolutely beside myself with remorse.

I was just so, and I’m goin’, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’

It wasn’t like I was meetin’ Jesus, but it was like It was bringin’ me.

Jesus is Lord.

Jesus is the king of Kings.

Jesus is the One.

And, the whole time I was thinkin’, of course it was Him.

It was always Him.

So, it’ like, all these things you’ve gone through.

All these different ideas you’ve had about this and that.

What does life mean?

Is there a meaning?

It’s like, of course, it was the Guy on the cross.

Of course it was Him.

Of course.

It was like a veil had been lifted over my eyes.

It was like obvious.

It was Jesus.

It was always gonna be Jesus.

It was Jesus.

Jesus is God.

Jesus is Lord.

Jesus is, it was just like, Jesus.

And, so, I feel like I’m goin’ through this thing and it’s just incredible.

And, I’m also about to be, it’s God, it’s God.

When I say it’s the Angel of the Lord, when you use that term, God came to people in different kind of ways.

When He came to Moses in the burnin’ bush, some things say it was the Angel of the Lord.

I just use that term because that bein’ of itself, kind of like, a supernatural encounter with God, sort of, and you’re flat on your face and all that.

That’s kind of the way, it reminds me of that, especially from the Old Testament.

So, anyway, God is God, is God.

And, then, it starts to wear off, this feelin’.

I’m just, like, amazed.

I’m obviously, I’m amazed.

I’m cryin’.

But, I’m almost now, kind of, kind of like laughin’ almost, because I can’t believe this is just so out of the park.

This is just way beyond anythin’ I’ve ever, you know, can’t know what to think.

I’m so snivelin’ and getting’ myself together, and start to kind of pull out.

And, just as I’m kind of standin’ up, then, I hear, I don’t hear a voice, it just comes to my head very clearly, words that say, ‘Christ comes as a King, clothed in glory. How shall He lead you that you are not clothed in righteousness?’

And, I go, what does that mean?

And, I’m thinkin’ it seems like I’m not done yet. I’m not finished or somethin’. I’m not, and I’m kinda getting’ started to get a bit agitated, because I’m thinkin’, oh, did I not pass the test or somethin’ like that.

It’s like, it’s almost like I thought, was I supposed to do somethin’ when He was here.

How can I lead you if you’re not clothed in righteousness.

I didn’t even know what that means.

What does that mean?

So, I pick up my computer, in this state, and for some reason, my head, comes repentance, the word repentance comes in.

So, I look up repentance and it says, turnin’ away from your sin, and this is what I read, and turnin’ towards God.

And, in my mind, I think, ahhh, He’s come. It’s like He’s revealed Himself. He’s showed my sin and all of that. It’s like, now, He wants me to commit to Him.

That’s what I just thought.

It just come into my head.

So, what I do is I go down to the sea front and I go down to the sea and I say, because I live beside the sea, and I go there and the waves are crashing, say, ‘Jesus, I give myself to You. I give You my whole life. Take everythin’. Take everythin’ I got. Take all my dreams, aspirations. Take everythin’ my life is. Take everythin’.’

I said, ‘It’s Yours now and I commit to You.’

And, that’s it.

So, I do this thing.

But, I don’t really feel any big, you know, fireworks goin’ off or anything like that.

And, I walk up the sea front, back to my house.

As I walk towards the house, I think, I wonder if I done the right thing.

You know, wonder if I done the right thing.

So, I come back to the house.

I get there.

I get in.

It’s about three o’clock.

Now, the door goes.

I’ve just made myself a cup of coffee and the door goes.

So, I go to the door and I completely forgot that my son’s gettin’ dropped off from school.

He’s only seven years old.

He comes in.

He doesn’t know anythin’ about what’s been going on.

He comes in.

Of course, I’m like, just like, you know, space cadet.

I’m just completely thinkin’ about the stuff.

So, he gets dropped off by a neighbor or somethin’.

And, what he does is he gets down and he draws pictures.

He comes, sets the DVD everyday, draw pictures, Batman, Robin, Batman, Robin, every single day.

Spiderman, Batman, Robin, you know.

And, I go back to the window, drinkin’ my cup of coffee, and lookin’ out the window, thinkin’.

I’m thinkin’ what is goin’ on?

That was just so out there.

Only a matter of minutes later, not a long time, a tug on my jumper.

And, it’s my son.

And, I go, what’s that?

What is that?

And, he says, ‘This is for you.’

And, he hands me this drawing.

And, I think, okay, here we go, Spiderman or somethin’ like that.

And, this is what he drew.

It’s a picture of King Jesus in the sky saying, ‘My son you don the rite thing.’

‘Mr:crist’ is written.

He’s on the clouds.

And, there’s a Calvary Cross.

Now, if that doesn’t blow your mind, I don’t know what does.

Praise God, Halleluyah!

So, I look at him and I think.

What.

I say to him, ‘What, why’d you give me that?’

I mean, I’m absolutely in shock.

‘What’d ya give me that for?’

He said, ‘I don’t know.’

And, he goes back to drawin’ Batman and Robin.

I don’t have any more information on that.

That is what happened.

That’s the drawing.

That was enough for me.

My son you done the right thing.

I’ve not spoke to my son about it.

So, anyway, that day, that weekend, I’m like this.

And, I go back to the church.

Of course, suddenly, I’m born again.

I mean, I love everybody.

I go in.

I can see light around everyone’s heads.

I can just see ‘Hi, hi, hi.’

And, I’m thinkin’ I’m the same, ‘Hi, hi, hi.’

I love you.

How ya doin’?

And, you know, that’s the story of how I became a Christian.

So, God bless you and I hope that this blesses you.

I hope this blesses you. Amen.”

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